Turning 33

Ayushmaan Mishra

I turn 33 in a few days. I have used up more than a 2/5th of my life.

Ever since I have turned 30 in 2023 and coincidentally started living alone for the first time, Everything seem different- Jobs. Friends. People. Habits. Myself.

Still feel this way

Life I have shaped so far- alien. Call it a quarterlife crisis.

It’s been three solitary years like this, and attempts to get back on the road have failed. I find it very interesting.

So I should walk away? Dave Chapelle walked away from the deal. Robin Williams, and Anthony Bourdain walked out on their lives.

The death of Robin Williams uprooted my whole perspective on positivity and Life. Something about the Good Will Hunting, and then Dead Poets Society pulled me towards him. I don't remember whether I ever knew him from other than the characters he played- But it always felt that way. And when I heard that somebody like him could do something like that, made me question the significance of the positive outlook we keep towards the world.

I recently came across of a video of Anthony talking to young Sinaporeans about their laundry habits. Who asks that? Why would anyone ask anyone about the last time they did their laundry. I would enjoy talking about it however, becase for me, it is a pattern interrupt activity, and the sweet fragrance of fabric conditioner filling the air of my balcony relaxes and fulfills me. It is close to therapy for me. Made me want to learn more about the guy.

And the first thing i find out? Hung himself in a hotel in France. What a guy. He used to travel around the world to eat food with strangers and talk about life. You’re in my thoughts Mr. Bourdain.

But no, I am neither that deep, nor can afford killing myself. Besides, I still look forward to how my life turns out from on here.

So this year, I will delete everything that's not mine. It doesnt have to be grand, and could start with small routines.

Excited to see how the year turns out to be.

Happy Birthday Captain. All hands on deck.