XI.

I tried

I tried,

I tried choking the life of my dreams of you

I tried bleeding the feelings,

hoping I would run out of them one day

I tried isolating the thoughts to give them an anonymous death

I tried running away from the intimacy my heart promised

I tried submitting to the fear of corruption

I tried pledging allegiance

I tried travelling

I tried music

I tried writing

I tried looking away

But the more I tried,

The more I was portaled back to the idea of you.

The more I feared, the more poetry unsettled me.

The more I smiled, the more I imagined you smiling

The more I kept busy, the more pointless everything seemed

The more I moved places, the more I missed you in the city

And the more I kept myself lonely, the more I realised how much I wanted to be loved. By you.

I am sorry.

Ayushmaan Mishra · 2024-01-21